There we go.

The heat is on. I discovered I have *very* little time to do what I set out. I'm sure I wont reach my goals. Even if I work without sleeping a wink, I can't do it. When did all this happen? While I was out making conspiracy theories. And I was right! People who knew did not bother telling me things are not as easy as they seem and what I did was only scratch the surface all these days. I realise I am in deep shit now. Yes, this is what I'm used to, you think I'd say. No, I'm used to a lot less pressure. The pressure I was talking about in my previous post was the pressure to come up to my own expectations. The pressure now is to come up to the minimum requirement. They're so not the same thing!
Pray for me.
* sigh *

Half but fully conscious.

Yes, I finally found the gigantic proportions of motivation needed to post on a blog that no one reads anyway.
It is obvious I have exams coming up in a few days, why else would I post?

Life has been happening. It has been going by. Things are being nice to me, like people, buses, clothes and other vehicles. Nothing too bad has happened. College has been going a little below expectations but nothing to get too worried about.
I'm not used to this. I'm used to things being extremely fun or extremely serious. I'm used to urgency and that all too familiar feeling of I've-done-it-this-time. Complete happiness, anger and sorrow. I don't know how to react to all this monotonous stability. I'm confused.
Maybe something really bad is going to happen soon. Maybe this is all some sort of a conspiracy to catch me off guard already bored to death and then plunge me into utter suicidal depression.
Ha, you'll never get to me.

Where does it all go?

I seem to be very busy these days, yet I seem to get nothing done. I procrastinate when it comes to college work and yet don't get the time to watch movies that I've been waiting weeks to watch. I feel lazier and even more sluggish than I've always been. I'm apparently less chirpy. I have no reason to be depressed. I'm not sleep deprived either.
Where is all my time going? What is happening to me?

If you want it natural, go live in the African jungles. (1)

A couple of days ago there was an article in the papers about airbrushing cover photographs of magazines to make the models look thinner/taller with flawless skin and hair. This created a furore among parents of young girls going on crash diets and advanced cosmetic procedures in an effort to look like the models. The pictures weren't "natural" enough.
Women wearing make-up aren't "naturally" beautiful and hence aren't beautiful at all.
Men or women with plastic surgeries/implants weren't "naturally" like that and so shouldn't be given any respect.
I told somebody I knew a really pretty woman entrepreneur who owns a chain of beauty salons all over the city and she was immediately judged to be "only pretty because she probably spends hours and hours in her salons getting beauty treatments."

The people who say all this are the people who get their hands and legs waxed and their eyebrows shaped. They get haircuts at "expert" salons, painstakingly sift through dozens of clothes at malls and don't settle for anything but the best. They use lotions, beauty toiletries and tons of hair products and pay a lot of money on looking good to keep themselves looking bright and shiny. I refuse to believe any of this being any more natural than say, getting a plastic surgery. How can one be so obviously hypocritical and yet have the conviction to feel superior when they get to know some celebrity's boobs weren't naturally that big?
Still, they change channels when somebody ugly pops up on their TV screens even if it is regarding something completely unrelated to looks. They all want "pleasant looking" newsreaders. They want to see anorexic women and bulging muscular male models selling them things. They wrinkle their noses in disgust when they find a Madonna shopping without makeup.

It seems they want people to be born twenty, with the skin of a baby, the measurements of Barbie (and something equally impossible in the male section, Ken?), with perfect hair, a face looking "naturally" very beautiful and stay looking twenty forever. I suspect there are already people who come close to being this perfect, but are still not acknowledged because they're all probably "only like that because they spend hours and hours at beauty salons, getting beautiful".*
Yes, they say that whilst they get their eyebrows plucked and arms waxed.

Isn't it the point? They only clean up the cover photographs because YOU like them like that. You want them to look like that. You don't want podgy (or healthy) women showing off some pimples wearing "only moisturizer" on the cover of your magazine. Your moronic children will very obviously try to be like the people you call "hot". Bad parenting turns children into self destructing anorexics, not magazine covers.

How is a plastic surgery any different from braces or nail polish or hair gel? Why should somebody who takes external help to look good be treated with condescension when you have done the same, albeit in a cheaper or simpler way? Except for the money involved, make-up is the same to me as good clothes.

Some very skewed perception of what's natural there.

*Like you can become beautiful by just going to a salon. Or by wearing make up. In case you didn't get it.

All I want to do is...

Surprising how much college has ruined my natural impulse to do things I've always wanted to do but couldn't because of college. I have a little time on my hand these days (OK, I have lots of time) and I still haven't got around to cleaning my bookshelf which has been a black hole for three years. Notebooks with no writable pages remaining, a LOT of hair bands, bracelets, earrings, handkerchiefs, text books and novels I've forgotten I've had (sadly, yes, that happens) are all suspected to be buried underneath inches of dust in there.
Maybe it's probably because I stay up till four in the night/morning, and get out of bed at 12 noon. I've discovered this screws up my biological clock a LOT. I need to wake up at 8 one day and set things straight. Yes I've been saying this ever since I started having all this free time.
I also want to clean my guitar and start playing again. I want to read the papers everyday. I want to clean out my wardrobe too.

I'll finish this post later.

On Valentine's day:

I woke up at 7 when I was supposed to wake up at 5. I studied some biology (for the practical exams) in bits and pieces. At the exam, I forgot the classifications of all the specimens and the floral formula and the diagram for Vinca rosea - which, apparently, is also called "prewrinkle" according to one of our lecturers. I still managed to scribble some believable rubbish and finished it. Then I realised I had left my cell phone at home. Wasn't a very huge problem, I don't have a lot of secret admirers. Oh wait, I have none :-P

I received my math score, which was rather pathetic in itself but pretty good considering [a.] the fact that I never studied and 2. the scores of a certain P (10 out of 90) and a certain S (24 out of 90) who used to tell me how many lessons they studied each day. While I won't tell you how much I got, I will tell you the first letter of the name of that lying HAG who told me that they wouldn't even be grading the papers - S. May you die because of a "stove burst" my dear lady with gigantic cheek-bones.

I deleted a million invites from friends to join hi5, one of the most stupid sites filled with perverted desperate 20-somethings.....very similar to a brothel. One of the funniest invites said "Come and join, da, it's got like hundreds of hunks!"

I hurt a finger. Then another. Then I got a papercut on that loose skin between the thumb and the index finger while arranging some papers.

I saw a lorry which said "India-Gro-up". Amen.

....I'm sorry, were you looking for a purpose in this post?

Six weird things about me -

1. I talk to myself - All the time! I'm always saying something to myself or enacting earlier conversations with dialogues I should've said, or giving priceless advice, or (mostly) giving interviews about how I have all the talent in the world and got rich easily. I also comment on other people when I'm riding, but since I wear a helmet that covers my face, not a lot of people notice that.

2. I eat too much and I still don't get fat - And as everyone knows, I don't work out either. I realised that during our school trip last year when the cook put two rotis on my plate and three each on two of my other friend's plates....while they threw away one of their rotis, I took a second helping and got two more. They're both pretty much my size. I'm also hungry ALL the time.

3. I'm drawn towards bespectacled people - By that I don't mean only guys, I mean people who wear glasses in general. I find them charming. (I don't wear glasses, to clear that up.)

4. I say stupid things when I'm around new people - Normally, the new people happen to be people who matter a lot.

5. I look at the keyboard and type - Even though I know where all the keys are.

6. I have an affinity for villains - Rather than heroes. (In the words of a trusted source.)

(This is a really old post from whatever I could recover from my previous blog. I haven't changed a thing and it's really surprising how much my writing seems to have changed since then. Good for me!)

It'll be you one day. - 2

I'm sick of people downplaying the Mangalore incident.
For one, check out the videos in the list beside it. Also do an image search and revel in the world you want to live in.

It was NOT an "isolated" incident. I hate that phrase. No incident of this magnitude could ever be "isolated". It gave room for a lot of useless people to pass a lot of controversial comments, exposing how many people like the ones mentioned in my previous post there are infiltrating top government posts.
Like this woman, in the National Commission for Women. I'm glad she was sacked.
Like the Mangalore court, which directed the police to file an FIR against Woman and Child Development Minister Renuka Chowdhury for being a woman and speaking up on the issue, instead of dealing with the offenders.
Like the Chief Minister himself, who again, threatened to tell step-mummy about Chowdhury making false allegations instead of worrying about how adversely this incident would affect his voters. *

No, it was not an isolated incident. It led to making the Hindu Taliban feel a lot safer, since the attackers got away in the blink of an eye. It led to them going wild and beating up other women. And those are the only cases that were reported. What about the women who didn't report and what about the ones whose reports weren't taken down by the police?
Yes, I believe more women were beaten up. Maybe even by the police, because according to the Police Commissioner, they were only incidents of eve teasing. Nothing more.

Though it didn't make a bang, it did led to the real women snapping out of the supposedly safe world they were made to believe they were living in. Everybody came to know how the police and the courts function exclusively for the elite few and the politicians, and how the 'groups' are mere branches of certain political parties. The can of worms opened. Sadly, only a few noticed.
And some of the few who did notice, morphed it into a mere "isolated" and "unfortunate" incident, to satisfy their political goals. And the sheep believed them and nodded along.
I'm not waiting for a chance this time to say "I told you so."

---

*Well, he knows how many women would still vote for his party. Apparently even educated women voted for him. I rest my case.
(Unedited.)

The mourners

Isn't it kind of sadistic when people pull you away from the dead body of your beloved? Fine, she's dead, but that doesn't mean her mother can't hold her and talk to her for one last time. Or that her son can't hug her and probably try to feel her wrist just in case. Mind your business you moronic mourners you, mourn or shut the hell up and keep your hands to yourselves. Don't go beyond that, trying to steal focus as the sympathetic distant friend/relative who's supposedly helping the family get over the grief of losing a member. They'll only cry more if you tear them away.

I'd never really worried too much about my hair, it was always a huge mass of combination curly-wavy-straight light brown-dark brown bitch of a thing fullll of frizz. I accepted it like it was, keeping it short and tied up all the time. It was okay because quite a lot of people around me did the same. That was in school, where we were supposed to keep it like that. Then the females grew up, got great haircuts and started leaving their hair open. Ugh.
So I started off with expensive shampoos, hair masks, conditioners and leave ins. Amazingly, the hair got better.
The ones with hair like mine (not yet as big, though) walked around with their not-so-secret inferiority, saying they didn't use hair products because they feared hair fall. Pah, moron! I'd at the least respect you if you'd said they were too expensive for you to care.
I digress.
Yes, the hair got shinier, less frizzy, and less tangly. It settled down but it still was too frizzy to be left open. So I took advice from lots of websites and beauty columns and used hot oil massages, left the conditioner on for really long and washed with cold water even though it left me with a cramped-up neck and wrinkly fingers. Apparently, length weighed down the frizz so I also let it grow long. So long, in fact, that my whole back got cramped up, because I shouldn't use a hair dryer. Didn't really make a difference. 'A little longer, maybe.', I thought. But the longer it grew, the bigger it got. My hair became so healthy, it started flourishing under all that care and grew thicker, which made it look bigger because the remaining frizz got more surface area to spread over.
And so, I cut it short. Ah, freedom.
Then I read somewhere that putting half-dried hair in a braid reduces frizz. Right ho! So I let it grow long again and started braiding my hair (just one! not the afro kind) which did reduce the frizz but it still wasn't good enough to be left open.

It was THEN that straightening occurred to me! Ah ha! So I got my hair straightened. Once - didn't stay straight for even 24 hours. Twice - did it myself and lost interest after the first couple of sections. Third time's a charm. It would stay for a whole week. I could finally run my fingers through my hair without needing a half hour to get it out at the other end. I could finally leave it open! And then, I looked in a mirror. Aaah! That's like every girl on the street!! 'Hey, you look great with straight hair!' Of course you dufus, I look like you!

No no! I got my curls back. In all their mutant glory.

And I kept the braid. Nobody looks like me in a french braid.

Or maybe they do. I don't give a tiny fish tail about it anymore.

It'll be you one day.

I'm quite angry with the Mangalore incident.
So, when it happened, I wanted to know what some of my friends from 'conservative' families thought about the incident. Apart from the shocked, sane replies, I got unexpected apathetic 'Oh, yeah, that...hmmm' kind of responses, to a downright shit eating-bitch-y 'The girls deserved it!'. I found later, that she was quoting her mother and parroted something a celebrity was saying about the incident on tv to cover it up. Potaeto, potaato. Needless to say, I avoid this 'person' as much as possible.

The apathetic ones are those that bother me. I asked a couple of these miss-inexplicably-smug girls if they would like to go to a walk held to protest this incident. One girl, whom I now admire, said she doesn't think protests would work and that she wouldn't care to do something that useless. Ah, an opinion. I like her now.

Another girl declined and gave no reason. I know your reason.
She's a loser, holding back all her desires and suppressing all her natural instincts in the fear of 'looking bad'. To whom? To the people she doesn't know, those that will never matter to her. She wants to be the perfect Indian woman, with her hair in a braid and a forehead covered with a huge bindi. This perfect picture will be put up on marriage websites and given to pundits who will find men she doesn't know willing to marry her for huge sums of money. She will stay at home, cleaning, cooking, having children and getting into bed whenever her man feels horny. That is why he married her, she's a multipurpose instant female he can 'do'. Yes, she's the perfect Indian woman according to herself.

She was looking smug because she doesn't wear jeans or drink or smoke or show any signs of liberation. Because she's such a loser that she wants a boyfriend and doesn't at the same time. She likes to have men for friends, but doesn't want to be seen with them. She felt safe. For once, finally, her good-girl choices which left her feeling extremely inferior, came of some use. She doesn't want to give that up! She doesn't want those girls to get ahead. Not anymore. She doesn't want them to live the life she dreams of having. She wants to see them getting beaten up for daring to be like how she always wanted to be.
She wants them to get beaten up for wearing what they want to, for earning money and for spending it however they like. For wearing clothes that reveal their midriff and arms. For wearing makeup and leaving their hair open. For brazenly kissing men (or women) on the street. For choosing to do everything she ever wanted to and for showing no remorse about it.

You're the shit eating bitch. You're the extreme hypocrite who is undoing years of hard work feminists and social reformers have put in. You're the reason men like those in the video are having their way. You're the rotten apple.

Enjoy your moment of glory my friend, because that isn't why the women were getting beaten up.
Enjoy it while you can, because there are a lot of women who are worse and don't like you. These women will make sure you don't change for the better.

One day your turn will come to get beaten up, regardless of what you're wearing or drinking. Thanks to you and people like you, you will get beaten up for just being. On that day, I will not stand by like you did. I will not reply with silence. I will fight for you. In spite of what you think, because that is what I do.

I like the shit eating bitch girl more.

Ah, gender.

Why am I a woman? Because I look like one? Is that the definition of a woman? Apparently not.
That is the definition of a female. Not so much, technically.
I don't know why I (don't) happen to have the same body parts as you. Would I have been, altogether a different person if I were to be a man?
I wonder.
I want to know.

Slugg-ehh.

It's pissing off waiting for the new post page to come up. I completely forgot what I wanted to say and now I have to pee.

Open sour-ce.

I'm very happy with the open source movement. I use quite a lot of free open source software, and promote it whenever I can, on my previous blog (sob) I had a small section on the right column asking people to switch from IE to Firefox. I want to use Open Office.
I also want to use TrueCrypt. The same TrueCrypt that does not work on Windows98.
How come? Why? Yaake?!
Is it not ironic that this software goes to the extent of agreeing to work with Macs (I hate those pieces of shit) and not with 98? When you hate Microsoft (or "disagree with its principles", same difference) you normally say, heck, we don't want users to upgrade (read pay more for not much extra) anymore, once they have the OS, they should be able to continue forever on the same thing using our software that does everything they introduce exclusively for newer OSs.
They want PS2 users to be able to play PS3 games thanks to their software, for instance.
That is when we will bless them.
Is it not? IS IT NOT?

Starting now

Retrieved quite a lot of posts. Might put up some favourites of mine.

I used to be amphethena.journalspace.com
It isn't just the domain that has changed, it's my whole online life.

Yes, JS sucked.